May 22nd, 2008 by Editor
Jessie Gruman, PhD, who has personally survived four life-threatening diagnoses, is the author of AfterShock: What to do When the Doctor Gives You--or Someone You Love--a Devastating Diagnosis and President of the Center for the Advancement of Health and President of the Center for the Advancement of Health.
Guest Blogger Jessie Gruman--
The talking heads have already buried Teddy Kennedy and are now delivering their eulogies.
While on one hand I’m offended by their prematurity – I mean, the guy doesn’t even know precisely what kind of tumor he has yet - - I recognize that this is what the media does. I’m really not that critical of all these proclamations of love and friendship and praise for his principled action. After all, it is characteristic of the media to shamelessly force to the surface the emotional drama that underlies an event. “Tell me, Mr. Adams – how did you feel when your child was burned up in that house fire?”
The media coverage of Senator Kennedy’s devastating diagnosis reminds me of two uncomfortable truths: First, that when someone we love receives such a diagnosis, we want to fix it, even though we know that our efforts cannot change the enormity of the facts. Most of us do this on a less grand scale than the public commentators. Sometimes we offer reassurance about the outcome – “I’m sure everything will be OK.” This is a risky strategy, since you have no reason to know whether it is true. Sometimes we propose to help – “Please let me know what I can do” – a reasonable strategy but only if you are willing to follow through on it. And sometimes we, too, praise the bravery and fighting spirit of the person, an approach that is often met by the patient with some skepticism, since bravery and hope and fighting spirit ebb and flow as they try to take in the full meaning of the bad news.
Our words are often all we have to offer someone who has just received a devastating diagnosis, and we extend them in the vain hope that they will soften the shock and the loss it implies, both to the patient and to ourselves.
The second uncomfortable truth is that the media’s response to Ted Kennedy’s diagnosis reminds us of is that despite the tremendous progress in understanding and treating cancer, despite the armies of cancer survivors who throng the streets on their charity runs, cancer is still a disease that kills many. A cancer diagnosis still strikes fear into our hearts and it does so for good reason.
More From Jessie Gruman, Ph.D.--
The AfterShock For Kenechi Udeze
How To Find Help In a Hospital
A Life-Threatening Diagnosis--What To Do
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May 22nd, 2008 by admin
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May 22nd, 2008 by admin
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May 22nd, 2008 by Editor
Dr. Mark Goulston is a former UCLA professor who helps high performing leaders, senior management and sales people reach their full potential using skills he learned training FBI and police hostage negotiators. He is a member of the National Association of Corporate Directors and the Worldwide Association of Business Coaches and writes the weekly Tribune syndicated career advice column, "Solve Anything with Dr. Mark" 
and columns on leadership for FAST COMPANY and Directors Monthly and is an expert at People Jam. He is frequently called upon to share his expertise with regard to contemporary business, national and world news by television, radio and print media including: Wall Street Journal, Harvard Business Review, Fortune, Newsweek, Time, Los Angeles Times, ABC/NBC/CBS/Fox/CNN/BBC News, Oprah, and Today. Mark Goulston is the author of The 6 Secrets of a Lasting Relationship, Get Out of Your Own Way: Overcoming Self-Defeating Behavior, Get Out of Your Own Way at Work and PTSD for Dummies. For more information visit: www.markgoulston.com.
Guest Blogger Mark Goulston--
Show me someone who hasn't thought through a BATNA
(Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) and I'll show you Hillary Clinton.
BATNA is a term first developed by negotiation researchers Roger Fisher and Bill Ury of the Harvard Program on Negotiation (PON). When people in a negotiation or campaign for the Presidential nomination have thought through a contingency plan if their first one fails, they tend to become more desperate and intransigent on their first position.
The reason people don't let go of their obsessive hold on a losing outcome (or some would say its obsessive hold on them) is that doing so threatens to throw them into a free fall leading to a dark black hole that feels bottomless.
It is like a death. And like a death one needs to go through the stages that Elisabeth Kübler-Ross outlined in her seminal work: On Death and Dying.
Those stages are:
- Denial – "I won't accept it, because I can't accept it, because I don't what else I'll do if this fails."
- Anger – "I will fight tooth and nail against anyone who tries to make me accept it, because I will be too lost if this doesn't happen."
- Bargaining – "Okay, I'm not going to be President, but how about Vice President or something so I don't have to face having nothing."
- Despair – "It's all real. It's not a bad dream. I AM lost and don't feel like doing anything else. Everybody, just leave me alone."
- Acceptance – "Okay, I guess I don't have nothing. I still have my family, I still have people who believed in me, I still have a job in the Senate, I can still make a difference."
It's time for someone to say strongly, firmly and lovingly to Hillary: "Your campaign is over, your life is not over. You have the opportunity now for poise and graciousness, or for bitterness and despair and it's up to you to choose which one."
Obama V. Clinton: The Smiles Have It!
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